Ever since my wife and I met, she was quite aware that I was a gaming addict. Despite this major time consuming flaw, she saw past it and we fell in love. Eventually we married and began our life of marital bliss.
Not long after marriage it became abundantly clear that she was not getting her fill of...me. If you have ever read the book "5 Languages of Love", you will understand what was going wrong. In short, everyone has different ways of expressing love. There are in fact 5 basic ways. Physical, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, and Gifts. At least I think those are it.
My 2 main languages are Physical Touch and Words of affirmation. This means I like hugs, kisses, sex (who doesn't), and compliments, "I love you", or "Hey good lookin." My wife on the other hand prefers Quality Time, and Words of Affirmation. While we are fortunate enough to have 1 in common, we also have 1 very uncommon one. In fact, "Quality Time" rated as one of my lowest which means that sitting on the couch with her for 4 hours was the LAST thing on my mind.
For our first year or so of marriage, it was tough. I was always on my computer, playing games, or reading. I didn't give her much attention. At least not as much as she wanted. Plenty of arguments followed over how much time I spent playing games instead of with her. In my view, I was the greatest husband ever. I constantly complimented her and told her I lvoed her. I would hug her, pinch her, and do anything on my mind to let her know how much I loved her.
The problem was that I was not speaking her love language. I was showing her affection in my way but it was hitting a wall. Over time, I have had to learn to sit on the couch with her or sometime just lay there and cuddle for hours. For me - this is very hard. My head is constantly running at mach 3 with ideas, thoughts, songs, plans, and just about anything. Sitting in one place and doing one thing for a prolonged period of time is hard for me.
To all you guys suffering from relationship issues, I STRONGLY recommend that you and your loved one read the "5 Languages of Love". It made and is still making such a huge difference in my marriage. I now spend most of my time on the computer when she is not home or at night when she is sleeping. I also learned the wonderful value of the laptop. Now I can be on the couch next to her AND on the computer with no backlash!
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3 comments:
That is some great advice and I will definitely be checking out the book. Great find! this is Cerwin from AoG/UW gaming clans by the way.
I will also have a look at this book, caus i may think all my breakups were related on that :(
Anyhow what wouldn't we do to keep our love :)
Lets face it.Especially when your a youngster, ladies equate "love" to having 100% of your attention.They never realize that your FRIGGIN married.Your not going to get up after being together and kiss and say, "well, I'll call you" and go home.You LIVE together, your not going anywhere.What women never realize is that what makes a man feel good is hard wired into your body.Competition, action, status amongst the herd, etc. is what sets us apart, and gives a sense identity.I agree and disagree with the WAYS people like to be loved.You would sacrifice your life for your wife, you provide for your wife, you give your wife children, and in most cases you bear all the responsiblilty of planning and executing for the entire future of the "family unit".This never enters into the female mind when they want to cling and stare into eachothers eyes, etc,etc,etc.She needs to learn to entertain herself instead of seeing her own boredom or lack of ability to capture your attention 100% of the time as your being unattentive.
Exception:When the computer time and the gaming means your not fulfilling your responsibilities or is promoting laziness in you, IT IS YOUR PROBLEM, and she is reacting in the only way she knows to affect you, namely "we never cuddle,we never go out anymore, you dont pay attention to me", etc.
Just my opinion, and being married a long time ( to 1 woman),
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