About 7 years ago, when my wife Christy and I were newly married, she (my wife) decided she would surprise me on my 21st birthday with a home-made birthday cake. This may not sound particularly amazing to you but for us - it was! All we had was a little toaster oven and a hot pad to make food with. Our fridge was a mini fridge. We lived in a small 1 bedroom granny unit where the owners would frequently leave on the weekends and turn off the AC. Oh and this was in Simi Valley where it reaches 120 degrees sometimes.
While I was off working, my wife scrounged together enough change to buy some strawberry cake mix, eggs, milk, and icing. She was very excited about making this cake. In fact, her mother had been a 4 star chef in the past and Christy was excited to put her learned baking skills to use.
Christy worked diligently to shape the cake just right in the pan and fit it all into our tiny toaster oven. Unfortunately, all her effort did not produce a very beautiful result.
As I came in the door that afternoon, there she was, crying her eyes out over a strange looking pink pile of crumbs. Confused, I asked, "why are you crying? Is something wrong?" With tears in her eyes, she looked up at me. "Your birthday cake is RUINED! I can't do anything right!" My heart broke. "Ohh, that pile of crumbs is a birthday cake", I thought to myself.
Not wanting her to feel worse than she already did, I ran over to the cake prepared to put on my best fake "ohhh that is tasty" face. As I examined the cake closer I couldn't help but notice that it was riddled with toothpicks. No doubt this was her attempt to hold it all together as it cooled. It resembled something like a pink porcupine.
I picked out the toothpicks and took a big bite. It was DELICIOUS! Maybe the best cake I ever had! Between bites of cake, I said with stuffed cheeks, "babe, this is great!" She was still skeptical, "but it fell apart and looks terrible", she insisted still sniffling. "Perhaps so, but it tastes amazing", I argued. Slowly the tears stopped and a smile started to replace her heartbreaking frown.
Before I could think of offering her a bite, the entire cake had vanished (strange huh?). The outside of the cake may have appeared to be a mess but inside it was delicious. To this day, we still often recall those first years and the experiences we had together. Now we can look back and laugh at those difficult times.
As I think back on that incident, I can't help but compare myself with that cake. Sometimes I get so self involved and insistent on "looking my best" and "wearing a smile" at church that I forget to ask myself, "what am I like on the inside?"
When Samuel was reviewing the sons of Jesse in search of Israel's next king, he was focused on the stature and physical appearance of one son, but God said, "Do not consider his appearance or his
height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things
people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD
looks at the heart."
On the same token, I think on what Jesus said to the pharisees in Matthew23:27-28
27 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. 28 In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.
So, ask yourself, "what kind of Cake am I?
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
A Biography and Testimony of My Life (So Far)
I have never shared my entire life's story over the internet. In fact, very few people know what my sister and I actually went through as kids. I figured once and for all that I would put it here. It has a happy beginning, a sad middle, but a happy ending; at least I think so :)
In short, my sister and I had wonderful childhoods up until my parents divorced. Our parents were dedicated Christians and dragged us to church every Sunday morning service as well as evening services and even Wednesday services. My mother was the worship leader and daughter of our pastor (my grandpa Phil May), so I was the closest thing to a "popular kid" at least in our church. Haha I am not trying to say I was anyone special but as a member of the pastor's family, you tend to get a little bit more attention for better or for worse.
Childhood was wonderful and my parents soon discovered I had a knack for musical ability. I loved to sing from the day I could speak and I always found my way into every musical our church put on. In those days, our church was booming and had a regular attendance of over 300-400 members. Not long after I started singing, it was also discovered that I had quite a talent for acting as well. I was the happiest kid in the world. I was acting, singing, and I always had plenty of friends.
Things weren't this way forever sadly. Have you ever heard that statement, "when it rains it pours"? Well it's true. Around the age of 10 (1995), my parents started fighting. They were very careful to do this behind closed doors so us children would not hear them but kids are very curious and very persistent. My sister and I could hear our parents yelling and screaming all the same. My Sister was only 7 so this affected her much deeper than it affected me; or at least it did so in a different way. At the same time, our church had a major split. I am not sure on the details because I was too young to know the politics taking place inside our church but from what I have been told, someone had been spreading some very hurtful false reports about our pastor who happened to be my grandfather and whom I loved (and still love) very much. Soon, our numbers had been cut in half. On top of that, a few more minor splits took place in the few years after that. Again, I can't say I know much about them.
Around the age of 11-12, my parents called it quits and separated. These Godly people who I had come to model myself after suddenly changed very much. My father became a depressed wreck and was a fraction of the confident man I had come to know. My mother began to go out and party on the weekends and completely abandoned church all together.
After my parents separated, I moved in with my mother and sister. My father had told her that he could not handle the stress of having my sister or myself. This broke my heart as a young boy. I had always looked up to my father and now as far as I saw it, he had abandoned me. My mother took us to live in a condo in Orcutt CA (basically the south end of Santa Maria). When we moved in, so did her new boyfriend. This was a major departure from the Christian traditions I knew.
This "boyfriend" was certainly nowhere near as mature and stable as my father. In fact, he was more of a kid than a man. For a little while, my life seemed to settle down. Although I had lost a father, I had gained a friend. I attached to him as a drowning child attaches to a life preserver. My view of God had always mirrored that of my father and since I saw my father as having had abandoned me, I figured God had done the same. This boyfriend of my mom's became the closest thing I had to a father. I became enthralled with everything he liked; his music, hobbies, and habits. In fact, he was the one who introduced me to heavy metal, painting and constructing model airplanes, and stealing.
Yes, that's right. Stealing. Allow me to explain. The "boyfriend" was quite fond of biking and so soon after, so was I. We used to bike everywhere. Sometimes I would ride 20 miles in a day (at age 12-13 that's not bad). Back in the mid 90's, unmanned recycling machines were very popular. You walked up to these things, pressed a button, and dropped your recyclables on a conveyer belt. A sensor in the machine would detect what kind of recyclables were going into the machine and dish out your payment in the form of change. One day, while riding past these machines, "boyfriend" and I schemed up a plan. "I wonder if it is possible to trick that machine into thinking you are putting in bottles when you really aren't? Then we could make loads of cash for nothing!" I knew better but my conscience had long since taken a hike.
We cleverly devised a plan to trick the machine by tying a long piece of floss to a beer bottle (worth quite a bit compared to other recyclables) and sending the beer bottle down the belt of one of these machines. As soon as the sensor detected the bottle, we would pull it back and allow it to go through again. We did this every night for months and made quite a killing. In 1 hour, we would bring in 50-75 dollars in quarters. Then we would transport the quarters in large "fanny packs" attached to our handlebars back home (about 5 miles away). With our money, we would buy all sorts of neat things; model rockets, model airplanes, materials to build a treehouse, bike parts, you name it.
This theft went on for months. One day, in a rare moment of conscience, I came to my mom and told her what we had been doing and how guilty I felt. She was...angry to say the least. I assume "boyfriend" received a good verbal dressing down from her because, when I came home the next day from school, all my model airplanes, rockets, and other purchased items were sitting in a pile on my floor, completely smashed. "Boyfriend" had destroyed them all in an act of vengeance. My new father figure had betrayed me as far as my young mind saw it (although in hindsight, it was a good thing those were destroyed as they were not bought with honest money). I retreated into myself even more. I no longer saw my house as a desirable place to be and instead, I would hang out at my neighbor's house and play Super Nintendo all day long on weekends and after school on weekdays.
During all of this, my mother would be out at the bar most evenings singing karaoke and hanging out with undesirables. I was stuck taking care of my sister. I was the closest thing she had to a father and I hated it. I was being robbed of my youth and forced to take care of a kid. One I didn't get along with in the first place. One of our screaming matches even resulted in my throwing a cordless phone through the upstairs window (I was aiming for her). In another instance, she came at me with a knife and I had to literally knock her unconscious. I am not glorifying these events of course, but I want to put in to perspective how much my sister and I hated each other at that time and how much I hated caring for her. Don't worry, we get along great now that we are adults.
On top of trouble at home, my grades were hitting rock bottom. It wasn't that I was stupid or slow by any means. In fact, on most of my tests, I scored in the top 5% of my class, but I NEVER did homework. I hate home and hated being there. I had literally 1 friend throughout 7th and 8th grade and I was at his house nearly all the time. Thanks to our poor education system and a personal appeal from my grandpa, I made it out of the 8th grade by doing summer school. Again, I finished all my classwork super early. Proof that I wasn't dumb. I just wasn't applying myself.
9th grade is where things got real bad. This is a part of my life I only remember bits and pieces from because it was the lowest part of my life.
As I entered the 9th grade, I moved in with my grandpa, I think. I only vaguely recall going to school. I do remember choir. Music was my escape and it was the only class during the day I looked forward to. I was only at that school for a short time though. Out of the blue, my mom returned to take my sister and I from my grandparents (who had taken us in without pause and were getting our lives straightened out) with a new husband in tow. This new husband of hers was nothing like "boyfriend". He was cruel, big, and scary. She had moved on from the "guy who never grew up" to the "ex con". I was whisked away to San Luis Obispo to live in a mobile home. I found out later that my grandparents graciously payed to get them into this mobile home and put their good name on the line for it.
After moving, I began attending my second highschool. Not only was I completely unprepared for the transition, but I also was so far behind my classmates, I had no idea what I was doing. Again, choir was my only escape. The choir at SLO High School was huge compared to Righetti. Not only that but they had amazing facilities such as speakers all around the room, tone machines, and other neat computer programs to help you work on your pitch. I was immediately put into the advanced choir (which I found out later is quite a feat for a freshman).
The situation at home deteriorated, as it always seemed to do. Soon I began noticing that my things were going missing. My toys first, then my computer games, then some of my clothes. All of the sudden, we were kicked from our home and forced to live in a campground. (I found out later that "husband number 2" was selling drugs to the inhabitants of our mobile home complex). I also learned later in life that my things went missing because my mother and stepfather were selling them for drug money. When my games were sold, I think that is when I really started down my path of game addiction. I would later become what I can only describe as a "game hoarder". More on that later.
Living in the campground was awful. Every morning, we would wake up at 5AM and drive to my mother's work in SLO. Her job was based in an old house so the original household features such as the kitchen sink, dishwasher, and shower were still there. The owners of the business had turned the shower into a file storage room. Every morning, my sister, mother, and myself would file into the bathroom (no pun intended) and remove all of the boxes and boxes of paper. We would then take showers 1 at a time and once finished, we would wipe the entire shower down until it was totally dry, put all the boxes back in it, and sneak out. This went on every day for a few months. I do remember one thing distinctly from that time. I owned only a few pairs of clothes and 1 sweater. My classmates would joke to me that I "smell like a bonfire" every day at school. I would lie and tell them that my dad loved to bbq and that is why I smelled like I did.
The truth was much less rosy though. We had no money to clean our clothes and I only had one sweater. At night, the campground would get very cold, so I had to wear the sweater. Our only source of heat was the campfire we would set up every night using wood we found on the ground. Most nights, all we had to eat was a can of beans or corn beef hash. I remember those night very well however. My mother, sister, and myself would sit around the fire and sing church songs like "Come Just as You Are" and "Jesus all for Jesus". "Husband 2" hated it and would hide out in his tent every night while we sang, that is, if he wasn't out dealing drugs that evening.
I reached rock bottom halfway through my 9th grade year. When I got home (if you would call it that), "Husband 2" told my sister and I that we were going dumpster diving for recyclables and food. I drew the line. I said, "I am just a kid and I deserve better than this. I have a father and grandfather that love me and can take care of my sister and I. I'll never do that." I absolutely hated that man. I hated him with everything I was. I wanted to kill him and for the first time in my life, I was prepared to do it. I began having dreams about killing him. Sometimes I would walk around the campsite with the hatchet in my hand that we used to chop wood. I would tell myself, "It would be quick. I can break into the tent and chop his head off and nobody would know I did it."
When I confronted my mother about this and told her I was very near to killing her husband, she panicked. The next day, she drove me to my dad's in Santa Maria and dropped me off. My sister decided to stay with my mom. I'm not sure if it was out of a sense of loyalty or because she felt obligated to take care of her. I found out that soon after, my mother moved with my sister and "Husband 2" to Lancaster, the capital of Methamphetamine Distribution.
Although my mom thought she was doing good by leaving me with my father, as a young teen, I didn't see it that way. I felt that she had chosen this terrible person over me. I was again hurt and retreated deeper within myself.
By some miracle, I finished the 9th grade and things were going smoothly with my dad. We didn't have much but we were doing a lot of catching up time on father and son activities. Every weekend we would rent 5 movies and watch them together. We would work on puzzles as well and became quite the puzzle building team. Some time in the early summer of 1999, my sister moved back in with us. She was fairly thin from lack of food (things got much worse for my mom and my sister was dragged along) and had a difficult time living away from my mother.
Somewhere around mid summer of 1999, my dad began dating his childhood sweetheart, Candy. Within literally 2 weeks, him and Candy were engaged to be married. Suddenly, we were uprooted again and moved to Arroyo Grande to live with Candy and her 3 kids (she has 4 but one had moved out by that point). Again, I retreated further into myself.
However, here I had an outlet for my introverted behavior. Candy owned a top of the line computer and it was almost never used by anyone in the house. The rest of my summer was a blur of gaming 18 hours, sleeping, and waking up to game 18 more hours. I completely shut off the outside world and became involved in the fantasy world of games.
I'll sum up my Sophomore and Junior years of high school and say it was a combination of barely passing, gaming a TON, finding time for friends somewhere amidst all that, and half halfheartedly attending church by way of rides from my grandpa every Sunday morning. By Junior year, I had a job at Circuit City making minimum wage and within a few months, I had bought my first computer. I was gaming fulltime on it and would often stay up until 6 or 7 in the morning playing. All the while, my game collection was slowly increasing. At the peak of my collection, I owned over 500 games worth about 40 bucks each new.
In senior year, I finally began to come out of my shell. I was a first choice in most of the school musicals and involved in an all male singing group as well as both of the school's choirs. I even began to spend more time with my friends and less time on the computer. My circle of friends over senior year grew from 2 to 20. We would go out every weekend and have a bonfire at the beach. I would bring my guitar (which I started playing in Sophomore year of HS) and we would sing around the campfire. My Senior year holds my fondest memories of friends and family as a teen.
When I turned 18, my father approached me one night as I was gaming (and keeping him up with my loud talking over my headset) and in not so few words gave me a 2 week ultimatum. "Join the Marines, or get a job and get out of this house." I elected for the latter. The next day, I moved in with my grandparents and got a job landscaping. The landscaping was great as it shed some of the pounds I had been adding up through high school as well as gave me some awesome muscles. I only lasted a month or 2 at my grandparents though. My grandma is a financial planner and insisted I save a portion of my money from each check to buy myself a new car (a significant portion of my checks). 18 year old Brandon didn't like that idea so, he moved out and back in with his father.
Through encouragement from my grandfather and father, I decided to attend college and become a computer game designer. The college was Devry University and the city was West Hills (near LA). At this point in her life, my mother had dropped "husband 2" and moved on through a slew of boyfriends. She was living in Simi Valley which was a 25 minute drive from my school. I assumed that she had her life together and asked her if I could sleep on her couch and pay her 400 dollars a month to live there. She agreed and I moved in prep for my new college.
THIS is where my life completely changed. THIS is where I met the most amazing person on the face of this Earth.The person who I love more than I can put into words. The woman who has stuck by me in my gaming addiction, weight gain, and crazy family problems.
A few weeks before I moved to Simi, I went to visit my mother to get a lay of the land. That is when I saw her. Her eyes were blue, her face fair, and her strawberry blonde hair so beautiful. I met the woman who would one day be my wife. I didn't realize it then of course but God had placed the most perfect person in front of my path through life. Until this point, I had felt unloved, unwanted, and unimportant. That all changed when I met Christy. Christy treated me as her knight in shining armor. She soaked up everything I said and did as if each was some kind of revelation. I felt important again. I felt like I could be something to someone other than a disappointment. She made me feel smart, attractive, MANLY. She loved me and she didn't even make it look like it was hard. Christy never uttered a word of criticism about the way I acted, even when I was a jerk. She just loved me.
I will sum up 2005-2011 and say, we got married, I dropped out of college, and we suffered MANY financial difficulties. Through it all, though, we held on to each other. We never turned on each other when things got tough. Instead, we took on life as a team, as a partnership of unwavering love and support for each other. When other young couples were failing, we were growing. When our families were falling apart, we were growing closer together.
In late 2011, I finally re affirmed Jesus into my life. Until then, I kept him at an arm's length as I did everyone else. Within 4 months he has broken me of my addiction to games, helped me get on track to being healthy (I have lost 10 pounds so far) and brought my wife and I closer together than I ever thought possible. On top of that, my mother has been clean for over a year, she is now sleeping on MY couch (irony), and is back on the praise team as well as directing the church choir.
My life has been completely transformed and I tribute God and my wife's eternal patience for it. Looking back, I see both good and bad but I know that God has brought me through it all. It took years of self loathing and hatred to get here but what matters is that I am here now. Even when I was living in sin, God saw fit to give me the gift of an incredible woman in my life. I will be forever grateful and I can't wait to see what the rest of my life holds in store.
My post on Tithing and Getting out of Debt
Quitting my Gaming Addiction
In short, my sister and I had wonderful childhoods up until my parents divorced. Our parents were dedicated Christians and dragged us to church every Sunday morning service as well as evening services and even Wednesday services. My mother was the worship leader and daughter of our pastor (my grandpa Phil May), so I was the closest thing to a "popular kid" at least in our church. Haha I am not trying to say I was anyone special but as a member of the pastor's family, you tend to get a little bit more attention for better or for worse.
Childhood was wonderful and my parents soon discovered I had a knack for musical ability. I loved to sing from the day I could speak and I always found my way into every musical our church put on. In those days, our church was booming and had a regular attendance of over 300-400 members. Not long after I started singing, it was also discovered that I had quite a talent for acting as well. I was the happiest kid in the world. I was acting, singing, and I always had plenty of friends.
Things weren't this way forever sadly. Have you ever heard that statement, "when it rains it pours"? Well it's true. Around the age of 10 (1995), my parents started fighting. They were very careful to do this behind closed doors so us children would not hear them but kids are very curious and very persistent. My sister and I could hear our parents yelling and screaming all the same. My Sister was only 7 so this affected her much deeper than it affected me; or at least it did so in a different way. At the same time, our church had a major split. I am not sure on the details because I was too young to know the politics taking place inside our church but from what I have been told, someone had been spreading some very hurtful false reports about our pastor who happened to be my grandfather and whom I loved (and still love) very much. Soon, our numbers had been cut in half. On top of that, a few more minor splits took place in the few years after that. Again, I can't say I know much about them.
Around the age of 11-12, my parents called it quits and separated. These Godly people who I had come to model myself after suddenly changed very much. My father became a depressed wreck and was a fraction of the confident man I had come to know. My mother began to go out and party on the weekends and completely abandoned church all together.
After my parents separated, I moved in with my mother and sister. My father had told her that he could not handle the stress of having my sister or myself. This broke my heart as a young boy. I had always looked up to my father and now as far as I saw it, he had abandoned me. My mother took us to live in a condo in Orcutt CA (basically the south end of Santa Maria). When we moved in, so did her new boyfriend. This was a major departure from the Christian traditions I knew.
This "boyfriend" was certainly nowhere near as mature and stable as my father. In fact, he was more of a kid than a man. For a little while, my life seemed to settle down. Although I had lost a father, I had gained a friend. I attached to him as a drowning child attaches to a life preserver. My view of God had always mirrored that of my father and since I saw my father as having had abandoned me, I figured God had done the same. This boyfriend of my mom's became the closest thing I had to a father. I became enthralled with everything he liked; his music, hobbies, and habits. In fact, he was the one who introduced me to heavy metal, painting and constructing model airplanes, and stealing.
Yes, that's right. Stealing. Allow me to explain. The "boyfriend" was quite fond of biking and so soon after, so was I. We used to bike everywhere. Sometimes I would ride 20 miles in a day (at age 12-13 that's not bad). Back in the mid 90's, unmanned recycling machines were very popular. You walked up to these things, pressed a button, and dropped your recyclables on a conveyer belt. A sensor in the machine would detect what kind of recyclables were going into the machine and dish out your payment in the form of change. One day, while riding past these machines, "boyfriend" and I schemed up a plan. "I wonder if it is possible to trick that machine into thinking you are putting in bottles when you really aren't? Then we could make loads of cash for nothing!" I knew better but my conscience had long since taken a hike.
We cleverly devised a plan to trick the machine by tying a long piece of floss to a beer bottle (worth quite a bit compared to other recyclables) and sending the beer bottle down the belt of one of these machines. As soon as the sensor detected the bottle, we would pull it back and allow it to go through again. We did this every night for months and made quite a killing. In 1 hour, we would bring in 50-75 dollars in quarters. Then we would transport the quarters in large "fanny packs" attached to our handlebars back home (about 5 miles away). With our money, we would buy all sorts of neat things; model rockets, model airplanes, materials to build a treehouse, bike parts, you name it.
This theft went on for months. One day, in a rare moment of conscience, I came to my mom and told her what we had been doing and how guilty I felt. She was...angry to say the least. I assume "boyfriend" received a good verbal dressing down from her because, when I came home the next day from school, all my model airplanes, rockets, and other purchased items were sitting in a pile on my floor, completely smashed. "Boyfriend" had destroyed them all in an act of vengeance. My new father figure had betrayed me as far as my young mind saw it (although in hindsight, it was a good thing those were destroyed as they were not bought with honest money). I retreated into myself even more. I no longer saw my house as a desirable place to be and instead, I would hang out at my neighbor's house and play Super Nintendo all day long on weekends and after school on weekdays.
During all of this, my mother would be out at the bar most evenings singing karaoke and hanging out with undesirables. I was stuck taking care of my sister. I was the closest thing she had to a father and I hated it. I was being robbed of my youth and forced to take care of a kid. One I didn't get along with in the first place. One of our screaming matches even resulted in my throwing a cordless phone through the upstairs window (I was aiming for her). In another instance, she came at me with a knife and I had to literally knock her unconscious. I am not glorifying these events of course, but I want to put in to perspective how much my sister and I hated each other at that time and how much I hated caring for her. Don't worry, we get along great now that we are adults.
On top of trouble at home, my grades were hitting rock bottom. It wasn't that I was stupid or slow by any means. In fact, on most of my tests, I scored in the top 5% of my class, but I NEVER did homework. I hate home and hated being there. I had literally 1 friend throughout 7th and 8th grade and I was at his house nearly all the time. Thanks to our poor education system and a personal appeal from my grandpa, I made it out of the 8th grade by doing summer school. Again, I finished all my classwork super early. Proof that I wasn't dumb. I just wasn't applying myself.
9th grade is where things got real bad. This is a part of my life I only remember bits and pieces from because it was the lowest part of my life.
As I entered the 9th grade, I moved in with my grandpa, I think. I only vaguely recall going to school. I do remember choir. Music was my escape and it was the only class during the day I looked forward to. I was only at that school for a short time though. Out of the blue, my mom returned to take my sister and I from my grandparents (who had taken us in without pause and were getting our lives straightened out) with a new husband in tow. This new husband of hers was nothing like "boyfriend". He was cruel, big, and scary. She had moved on from the "guy who never grew up" to the "ex con". I was whisked away to San Luis Obispo to live in a mobile home. I found out later that my grandparents graciously payed to get them into this mobile home and put their good name on the line for it.
After moving, I began attending my second highschool. Not only was I completely unprepared for the transition, but I also was so far behind my classmates, I had no idea what I was doing. Again, choir was my only escape. The choir at SLO High School was huge compared to Righetti. Not only that but they had amazing facilities such as speakers all around the room, tone machines, and other neat computer programs to help you work on your pitch. I was immediately put into the advanced choir (which I found out later is quite a feat for a freshman).
The situation at home deteriorated, as it always seemed to do. Soon I began noticing that my things were going missing. My toys first, then my computer games, then some of my clothes. All of the sudden, we were kicked from our home and forced to live in a campground. (I found out later that "husband number 2" was selling drugs to the inhabitants of our mobile home complex). I also learned later in life that my things went missing because my mother and stepfather were selling them for drug money. When my games were sold, I think that is when I really started down my path of game addiction. I would later become what I can only describe as a "game hoarder". More on that later.
Living in the campground was awful. Every morning, we would wake up at 5AM and drive to my mother's work in SLO. Her job was based in an old house so the original household features such as the kitchen sink, dishwasher, and shower were still there. The owners of the business had turned the shower into a file storage room. Every morning, my sister, mother, and myself would file into the bathroom (no pun intended) and remove all of the boxes and boxes of paper. We would then take showers 1 at a time and once finished, we would wipe the entire shower down until it was totally dry, put all the boxes back in it, and sneak out. This went on every day for a few months. I do remember one thing distinctly from that time. I owned only a few pairs of clothes and 1 sweater. My classmates would joke to me that I "smell like a bonfire" every day at school. I would lie and tell them that my dad loved to bbq and that is why I smelled like I did.
The truth was much less rosy though. We had no money to clean our clothes and I only had one sweater. At night, the campground would get very cold, so I had to wear the sweater. Our only source of heat was the campfire we would set up every night using wood we found on the ground. Most nights, all we had to eat was a can of beans or corn beef hash. I remember those night very well however. My mother, sister, and myself would sit around the fire and sing church songs like "Come Just as You Are" and "Jesus all for Jesus". "Husband 2" hated it and would hide out in his tent every night while we sang, that is, if he wasn't out dealing drugs that evening.
I reached rock bottom halfway through my 9th grade year. When I got home (if you would call it that), "Husband 2" told my sister and I that we were going dumpster diving for recyclables and food. I drew the line. I said, "I am just a kid and I deserve better than this. I have a father and grandfather that love me and can take care of my sister and I. I'll never do that." I absolutely hated that man. I hated him with everything I was. I wanted to kill him and for the first time in my life, I was prepared to do it. I began having dreams about killing him. Sometimes I would walk around the campsite with the hatchet in my hand that we used to chop wood. I would tell myself, "It would be quick. I can break into the tent and chop his head off and nobody would know I did it."
When I confronted my mother about this and told her I was very near to killing her husband, she panicked. The next day, she drove me to my dad's in Santa Maria and dropped me off. My sister decided to stay with my mom. I'm not sure if it was out of a sense of loyalty or because she felt obligated to take care of her. I found out that soon after, my mother moved with my sister and "Husband 2" to Lancaster, the capital of Methamphetamine Distribution.
Although my mom thought she was doing good by leaving me with my father, as a young teen, I didn't see it that way. I felt that she had chosen this terrible person over me. I was again hurt and retreated deeper within myself.
By some miracle, I finished the 9th grade and things were going smoothly with my dad. We didn't have much but we were doing a lot of catching up time on father and son activities. Every weekend we would rent 5 movies and watch them together. We would work on puzzles as well and became quite the puzzle building team. Some time in the early summer of 1999, my sister moved back in with us. She was fairly thin from lack of food (things got much worse for my mom and my sister was dragged along) and had a difficult time living away from my mother.
Somewhere around mid summer of 1999, my dad began dating his childhood sweetheart, Candy. Within literally 2 weeks, him and Candy were engaged to be married. Suddenly, we were uprooted again and moved to Arroyo Grande to live with Candy and her 3 kids (she has 4 but one had moved out by that point). Again, I retreated further into myself.
However, here I had an outlet for my introverted behavior. Candy owned a top of the line computer and it was almost never used by anyone in the house. The rest of my summer was a blur of gaming 18 hours, sleeping, and waking up to game 18 more hours. I completely shut off the outside world and became involved in the fantasy world of games.
I'll sum up my Sophomore and Junior years of high school and say it was a combination of barely passing, gaming a TON, finding time for friends somewhere amidst all that, and half halfheartedly attending church by way of rides from my grandpa every Sunday morning. By Junior year, I had a job at Circuit City making minimum wage and within a few months, I had bought my first computer. I was gaming fulltime on it and would often stay up until 6 or 7 in the morning playing. All the while, my game collection was slowly increasing. At the peak of my collection, I owned over 500 games worth about 40 bucks each new.
In senior year, I finally began to come out of my shell. I was a first choice in most of the school musicals and involved in an all male singing group as well as both of the school's choirs. I even began to spend more time with my friends and less time on the computer. My circle of friends over senior year grew from 2 to 20. We would go out every weekend and have a bonfire at the beach. I would bring my guitar (which I started playing in Sophomore year of HS) and we would sing around the campfire. My Senior year holds my fondest memories of friends and family as a teen.
When I turned 18, my father approached me one night as I was gaming (and keeping him up with my loud talking over my headset) and in not so few words gave me a 2 week ultimatum. "Join the Marines, or get a job and get out of this house." I elected for the latter. The next day, I moved in with my grandparents and got a job landscaping. The landscaping was great as it shed some of the pounds I had been adding up through high school as well as gave me some awesome muscles. I only lasted a month or 2 at my grandparents though. My grandma is a financial planner and insisted I save a portion of my money from each check to buy myself a new car (a significant portion of my checks). 18 year old Brandon didn't like that idea so, he moved out and back in with his father.
Through encouragement from my grandfather and father, I decided to attend college and become a computer game designer. The college was Devry University and the city was West Hills (near LA). At this point in her life, my mother had dropped "husband 2" and moved on through a slew of boyfriends. She was living in Simi Valley which was a 25 minute drive from my school. I assumed that she had her life together and asked her if I could sleep on her couch and pay her 400 dollars a month to live there. She agreed and I moved in prep for my new college.
THIS is where my life completely changed. THIS is where I met the most amazing person on the face of this Earth.The person who I love more than I can put into words. The woman who has stuck by me in my gaming addiction, weight gain, and crazy family problems.
A few weeks before I moved to Simi, I went to visit my mother to get a lay of the land. That is when I saw her. Her eyes were blue, her face fair, and her strawberry blonde hair so beautiful. I met the woman who would one day be my wife. I didn't realize it then of course but God had placed the most perfect person in front of my path through life. Until this point, I had felt unloved, unwanted, and unimportant. That all changed when I met Christy. Christy treated me as her knight in shining armor. She soaked up everything I said and did as if each was some kind of revelation. I felt important again. I felt like I could be something to someone other than a disappointment. She made me feel smart, attractive, MANLY. She loved me and she didn't even make it look like it was hard. Christy never uttered a word of criticism about the way I acted, even when I was a jerk. She just loved me.
I will sum up 2005-2011 and say, we got married, I dropped out of college, and we suffered MANY financial difficulties. Through it all, though, we held on to each other. We never turned on each other when things got tough. Instead, we took on life as a team, as a partnership of unwavering love and support for each other. When other young couples were failing, we were growing. When our families were falling apart, we were growing closer together.
In late 2011, I finally re affirmed Jesus into my life. Until then, I kept him at an arm's length as I did everyone else. Within 4 months he has broken me of my addiction to games, helped me get on track to being healthy (I have lost 10 pounds so far) and brought my wife and I closer together than I ever thought possible. On top of that, my mother has been clean for over a year, she is now sleeping on MY couch (irony), and is back on the praise team as well as directing the church choir.
My life has been completely transformed and I tribute God and my wife's eternal patience for it. Looking back, I see both good and bad but I know that God has brought me through it all. It took years of self loathing and hatred to get here but what matters is that I am here now. Even when I was living in sin, God saw fit to give me the gift of an incredible woman in my life. I will be forever grateful and I can't wait to see what the rest of my life holds in store.
My post on Tithing and Getting out of Debt
Quitting my Gaming Addiction
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Life Without Debt
As stated in my previous post, we are almost out of debt. We were shooting for the end of March as our final date but it looks like freedom is coming a little sooner than expected. Some of you may know I have been faithfully calling the IRS Tax Offset number in anticipation of being taken off the list for people having their tax returns intercepted. Well, Monday I heard one of the best things I have heard over the phone in a long time, "Our records show that you do not currently have any debts which will threaten your tax return."
HORRAY! As soon as I found this out, I hopped on the computer to file my taxes. Turns out, with the tax return that is coming to us (within the next 7 days), we can pay the remainder of our debt off AND buy our new furniture. This will be my first time as a debt free person in my entire adult life. This got me thinking, how many Americans are actually in debt?
These statistics were disturbing.
Some facts I found interesting
The average debt of households with credit card debt was $15,799
Total U.S. Consumer debt was $2.43 Trillion
That's roughly the GDP of the entire United Kingdom.
Oh and one more statistic I found funny - Only 2% of undergraduates reported having no debt. That's probably because almost nobody can get through college on cash these days. Even if you can, the schools strongly "encourage" you to finance for college. I should know. School is the whole reason for our credit woes.
In the end, paying off debt comes down to 2 words - Self Control. If you can master control of your spending habits, your debt will slowly trickle downward. It may be exceedingly difficult, especially in the beginning but, after a while, you will begin to notice the end goal becoming ever closer every month. Keep working at it guys. It's hard but not impossible.
HORRAY! As soon as I found this out, I hopped on the computer to file my taxes. Turns out, with the tax return that is coming to us (within the next 7 days), we can pay the remainder of our debt off AND buy our new furniture. This will be my first time as a debt free person in my entire adult life. This got me thinking, how many Americans are actually in debt?
These statistics were disturbing.
Some facts I found interesting
The average debt of households with credit card debt was $15,799
Total U.S. Consumer debt was $2.43 Trillion
That's roughly the GDP of the entire United Kingdom.
Oh and one more statistic I found funny - Only 2% of undergraduates reported having no debt. That's probably because almost nobody can get through college on cash these days. Even if you can, the schools strongly "encourage" you to finance for college. I should know. School is the whole reason for our credit woes.
In the end, paying off debt comes down to 2 words - Self Control. If you can master control of your spending habits, your debt will slowly trickle downward. It may be exceedingly difficult, especially in the beginning but, after a while, you will begin to notice the end goal becoming ever closer every month. Keep working at it guys. It's hard but not impossible.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Tithing Works
Since we have gotten our financial affairs in order, Christy and I have been vigorously paying down our debt. As of February of 2011, we owed about $14,000 to various school loans and hospital bills. To some of you, this may seem like very little but seeing as how we made a combined 40,000 dollars last year, that's 35% of our yearly income for 2011. With 90% of our income going to bills and expenses, we had no way to pay off debt.
In July, that all changed and I attribute it to tithing. Around July of last year, Christy and I made a decision together to start faithfully giving 10% of our income to God. If you think about it, that's not much. Considering, we brought in roughly 1800 a month in income, 180 dollars wasn't much to ask. Within a month of tithing, Bonnie offered to let us move into the upstairs portion of her house and pay a much lower rent than the place we were at before. We decided to take her up on her offer and our living expenses dropped by half.
Then, in December, a real miracle happened. I was contacted by a hiring agency (yeah, I wasn't too thrilled to work for a middle man either but you take what you can get). They informed me of an available job for a large software company. I figured I would give them a try and surprisingly enough, I was hired within a few days. Not only was the job full time but, it paid more hourly than I had made at any job in the past.
2 weeks into my new job, I made the ultimate decision to quit gaming. I won't go into details but if you know me at all, you will know that gaming was my LIFE. You can see my post about quitting gaming here.
By the start of January, our debt had dropped from $14,000 to $5,000. Now we are down to 2 bills left. One for a federal school loan and one for a hospital bill I incurred back in 2006. The total comes out to about $2,500. We have devoted every extra cent of income to paying these bills off and have been on a Ramen noodle budget for 3 months now. Our goal is to be completely debt free by the final week of March.
Let me just say, tithing works. Within 6 months, we have gone from poverty to plenty. Not only do we tithe 10% (more like 15% actually) but, we have gotten into the practice of tithing our "first fruits" which basically means, giving your tithe before you pay any other bills.
I think the reason the church is suffering so badly financially (I refer to the church of the body of Christ) is that, people have grown into this welfare/survival mentality of "this is all the money I can make and I need every bit of it to survive".
If we can't learn to trust God with a little bit, how can he trust us with more? Christy and I are just beginning to learn this and as a result, we have been blessed with double our yearly income and half our living expenses. I leave you with this verse. Luke 6:38 "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
In July, that all changed and I attribute it to tithing. Around July of last year, Christy and I made a decision together to start faithfully giving 10% of our income to God. If you think about it, that's not much. Considering, we brought in roughly 1800 a month in income, 180 dollars wasn't much to ask. Within a month of tithing, Bonnie offered to let us move into the upstairs portion of her house and pay a much lower rent than the place we were at before. We decided to take her up on her offer and our living expenses dropped by half.
Then, in December, a real miracle happened. I was contacted by a hiring agency (yeah, I wasn't too thrilled to work for a middle man either but you take what you can get). They informed me of an available job for a large software company. I figured I would give them a try and surprisingly enough, I was hired within a few days. Not only was the job full time but, it paid more hourly than I had made at any job in the past.
2 weeks into my new job, I made the ultimate decision to quit gaming. I won't go into details but if you know me at all, you will know that gaming was my LIFE. You can see my post about quitting gaming here.
By the start of January, our debt had dropped from $14,000 to $5,000. Now we are down to 2 bills left. One for a federal school loan and one for a hospital bill I incurred back in 2006. The total comes out to about $2,500. We have devoted every extra cent of income to paying these bills off and have been on a Ramen noodle budget for 3 months now. Our goal is to be completely debt free by the final week of March.
Let me just say, tithing works. Within 6 months, we have gone from poverty to plenty. Not only do we tithe 10% (more like 15% actually) but, we have gotten into the practice of tithing our "first fruits" which basically means, giving your tithe before you pay any other bills.
I think the reason the church is suffering so badly financially (I refer to the church of the body of Christ) is that, people have grown into this welfare/survival mentality of "this is all the money I can make and I need every bit of it to survive".
If we can't learn to trust God with a little bit, how can he trust us with more? Christy and I are just beginning to learn this and as a result, we have been blessed with double our yearly income and half our living expenses. I leave you with this verse. Luke 6:38 "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Glasses
The day finally came. I got my first pair of glasses.
I always bragged on myself and my wonderful vision to my family. My whole life, everyone in my family except my grandfather (who got lasik) wore glasses and I didn't. Well, such is not the case anymore. The past few years, I have been noticing significant eye strain when reading for only a short time. As an avid reader, this annoyed me so, I finally did the deed and got my eyes examined.
Turns out, I suffer from a minor astigmatism and a weakening focusing muscle or something like that. I was given a pair of glasses with a bare minimum prescription and WOW I never realized what I had been missing. It's funny. You get so used to how you see the world, you don't realize that maybe not everyone else sees it that way and you might be missing something.
It has been a few weeks since I got my glasses now and I still am not fond of them. Turning my head everywhere and only having a limited field of view is bothersome to say the least. I was told that lasik on both eyes can run 2,000-3,0000 dollars. Time to start saving.
On the other hand, my wife says I look sexy with my glasses on...
I always bragged on myself and my wonderful vision to my family. My whole life, everyone in my family except my grandfather (who got lasik) wore glasses and I didn't. Well, such is not the case anymore. The past few years, I have been noticing significant eye strain when reading for only a short time. As an avid reader, this annoyed me so, I finally did the deed and got my eyes examined.
Turns out, I suffer from a minor astigmatism and a weakening focusing muscle or something like that. I was given a pair of glasses with a bare minimum prescription and WOW I never realized what I had been missing. It's funny. You get so used to how you see the world, you don't realize that maybe not everyone else sees it that way and you might be missing something.
It has been a few weeks since I got my glasses now and I still am not fond of them. Turning my head everywhere and only having a limited field of view is bothersome to say the least. I was told that lasik on both eyes can run 2,000-3,0000 dollars. Time to start saving.
On the other hand, my wife says I look sexy with my glasses on...
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Ok Redo
I haven't posted pretty much all summer. Sorry. Lots of work.
Anyhow, the weight loss challenge begins tomorrow. No really.. it does. Must.....get off.....butt.
A new gymn went up literally right down the street from my house and I was one of the first 200 members to sign up which means no fees and its only 30 a month. Woohoo. Tomorrow I expect to be very sore.
------------------------------
On a funnier note, I heard this morning on the radio that a guy got his finger BITTEN OFF at a townhall meeting about healthcare in Ventura CA. That is about an hour from my house. The guy who bit his finger off was pro healthcare "reform" and the victim was a 60some odd year old anti reform. That is some funny stuff. Don't anger a California liberal. They get cannibalistic.
Anyhow, the weight loss challenge begins tomorrow. No really.. it does. Must.....get off.....butt.
A new gymn went up literally right down the street from my house and I was one of the first 200 members to sign up which means no fees and its only 30 a month. Woohoo. Tomorrow I expect to be very sore.
------------------------------
On a funnier note, I heard this morning on the radio that a guy got his finger BITTEN OFF at a townhall meeting about healthcare in Ventura CA. That is about an hour from my house. The guy who bit his finger off was pro healthcare "reform" and the victim was a 60some odd year old anti reform. That is some funny stuff. Don't anger a California liberal. They get cannibalistic.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Week 0.5
I call it week 0.5 because unfortunately I still have not gotten a membership at the gym. It is 90 bucks to start as there is a 60 dollar sign up fee plus one month membership which is 30 dollars. So for now, I am only doing the diet side of things. I already cheated on that a bit as it was July 4th weekend and we had 2 great BBQs. Oh well, I guess holidays are an exception. Back to eating less than I would like!
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